We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
