dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
