I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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