i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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