Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
