she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
tequila makes me forget i have legs
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
