I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
