i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
