you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
