Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
