I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
