I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Shame - the story of my life.
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