I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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