I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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