my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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