Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
