dude i'm inner monologue high
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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