it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
