I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
