so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
