So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
