You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
