I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
