i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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