Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
