I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
