I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
