i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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