Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
