Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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