i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
