I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
