I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
