im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
