I must be too annoying 4 u.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
