She is in my trunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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