Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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