I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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