I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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