I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
