God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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