Sponge bath it is.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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