Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
