Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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