That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
