this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
