Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
