Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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