Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
