Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
