You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
