fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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