haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it because I queefed?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
