I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
